Today is International Dog-Bites Day

[[Don’t trust too much that feature in today’s Sunday Nation saying today is International Widows’ Day  :-) It is International Dog-Bites Day!]]

(My own) Statistics show that a dog bites a person every 0.002 seconds. Each day, an approximate 5,000 pounds of human flesh are bitten and consumed by dogs worldwide.

A recent research by the Ebiungurieta University reveals that dogs in the Third World have deadlier bites because they get food that is below a kilo a day. Another research has shown that dog bites tend to be poisonous if inflicted by the kind of dogs that eat human excreta and such stuff.

Legs are known to be the most favourite bite spots for dogs. Those who walk without covering all their legs are more susceptible to dog bites. If you walk in some tough trousers, you may get just one megabite (1MB) from a dog. If you wear a weak pair of trousers, the bite can be up to 512 MB depending on the dog’s anger, appetite and hatred for people. If you walk naked or in a miniskirt, you can get up to one gigabite (1GB) from a dog. So take care.

Today is the day to remember and mock the person who said that it is not news when a dog bites a man. Whoever said it had not been bitten by one black, thin, bark-amplified Kenyan dog. Let anti-dog bite activists demonstrate against that person because he was encouraging them to backbite dogs so as to create news.

We can also remember to kick those dogs that used to lick human blood in the book of Kings. Carry a stick as you go through the antics of Elijah, Jezebel and her husband and be sure to whip something (preferably your dog) every time you read of a dog licking someone’s blood.

It is also the day to celebrate the turn-off messages on the gates of several homesteads. These are the kind of messages that give too much credit to the ferociousness of the dogs and they should either be encouraged or discouraged vehemently. Choose the side you will support.

Lastly, spare a thought for these: (1) Why don’t Kisii dogs eat beans and chewing gum? (2) Is it true that a dog can’t urinate on a neighbourhood known to be more affluent than its owner’s?

Happy International Dog Bites day.