Today is World Tissue Paper Day

He he hee; it's World TP day (picture from Google)

As you rub that dotted sheet on your ***hole today, remember it is World Tissue Paper Day. Statistics show that every second, 3,789 ***holes are serviced by this thing; and other 7,456 in the Third World are cleaned without it.

After using it today, look at it; just before throwing it away. Ask yourself: Had I not eaten, would there be anything to dirtify this toilet paper? Therefore, today is also Had-I-not- eaten,-would-there-be-anything-to-dirtify-this-toilet-paper Day.

As you throw it away, observe two minutes of silence in memory of those guys who have had to use their fingers instead of that paper. Look around the walls of the place you shall be in and take notice of graffiti drawn by the world’s oldest green paint (don’t trust Marangi’s Dura-coated words about green paints).

Also spare a thought for that bloke who was forced to use a handkerchief because he had not carried the priceless commodity from home.

Equally, today is the day to think twice about that fellow who is said to be advising people to use both sides of the paper because of the global economy trends. Think deep as to whether he was right.

Also think of those who have lacked the paper and have had to clean their ***holes with leaves, sticks, soil, and even water.

Think also about our Moslem brothers and sisters’ balance sheets. Their balance sheets are balanced because their religion does not think highly of toilet sheets; so they save money. If possible, advise the Finance Minister to proclaim that every Kenyan converts to the religion in next year’s budget so as to save the economy some billions.

It is also a day to reflect about the numerous newspaper sheets that have been made into tissue papers over the past. Research shows that every hour, 40 kg of newspaper is cut, creased and used as toilet paper in Kenya alone. In secondary schools, statistics now show that 78% of filled-up Mathematics exercise books are converted into tissue paper.

Also think of those who use serviettes instead of tissue papers.

Also ask yourself why there is no black tissue paper.

Also brainstorm about the ministries under which toilet manufacturing firms--had they been parastatals--would fall.