As you dig your nose in search of valuable material today, remember you are doing the right thing in celebrating the International Nose Digging Week.
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| Look at this mzungu doing his thing! He's celebrating the week in style. |
(My) statistics show that a finger is poked into a nose every 0.02 seconds worldwide.
Sadder statistics disclose that 76% of the fingers that dig for the precious material go into the noses unprotected, i.e. without the mediation of a handkerchief. According to an opinion poll conducted by GoldDiggers International, the index finger is the most used finger when it comes to digging up rubble. The Kisii scientific name for the material that is dug up is amakondokyos chimiorrwo (that is the genus and scientific name for those who did serious biology!)
Even sadder statistics reveal that out of the 76% that digs up the material unprotected, 50% direct the precious material into their mouths. The rest do various things to the material. A third of them rub it under tables or desks or chairs; another third blow it away while the other third lodge it in their pockets.
The nose extract, or amakondokyos chimiorrwo, is used to manufacture a type of butter in some developed countries. The butter it produces is said to be salty, viscous and delicious. First-hand witnesses who have ever eaten it with bread are in praise of the expensive, rare butter.
A faction of people from a sub-location in Kenyenya are currently establishing contacts with a company that manufactures butter using amakondokyos chimiorrwo. “Our people throw away tonnes of the stuff daily. We want to get a tender so we export about 10 kilos of pure amakondokyos chimiorrwo daily,” the spokesperson of the sub-location said.
As we mark the International Nose Digging Week, let us spare a thought for our brothers and sisters who have been forced to do unprotected digging up of their noses because of lack of handkerchiefs. Let us also sympathise with the several bellies of tables, desks and chairs that have had a role in disposing of the stuff. Let us also visualize the chewing gum that has been stuck with the stuff under the tables, desks and chairs. “They should institute a new field of study,” observed an official from GoldDiggers International. “
It should also be a week to hate those who do unprotected digging up of their noses while they are wearing suits or in official clothing.
Happy International Nose Digging Week.
